Lawndale High Wants to Spice Up Your Life
by Shiva-J
Summary: Songfic! AND a Crackfic! In which Ms. Li and a chosen group of performers decide to help everyone spice up their lives... It even has Mr. O'Neill in a babydoll number that is guaranteed to inspire! What I'm not sure, but why not read and find out?


**Lawndale High Wants to Spice Up Your Life**

The students of Lawndale High stared in communal shock and amazement as a bright light on the stage revealed Ms. Li in a Union Jack dress with oversized red platforms, then more figures joined her.

While Ms. Barch made a few mock kicks in an athletic track suit and ADDIDAS sneakers, Mr. DeMartino shimmied about in a little black Gucci dress and blew kisses in sync with his eye bulges. Mr. O'Neill made a cutsie face while fellating a lollipop in a pink baby doll dress, and bringing up the rear of this procession of the disturbing was a shanghaied Jodie Landon with her hair twisted into mini-horns, and looking quite disgruntled to find herself in leopard print spandex.

In public.

And then they began to sing and dance.

_"La la la la la la la la la La la la la la la la  
La la la la la la la la la La la la la la la la"_

Several students threw up when Mr. O'Neill's dress came up, revealing that he was wearing panties with the words 'Juicy' printed on the front and back.

_"When your feelin', Sad and lone We will take you, Where you gotta go Smilin' and dancin',  
Everything is free, All you need is positivity, Colours of the world, Spice up your life, Every boy and girl, Spice up your life,  
People of the world, Spice up your life"_

As Li demanded that they spice up their lives, Daria was still uncertain if she was dreaming or not. Andrea was stabbing herself with an exacto knife to feel something other than horror.

Jane however was smirking.

Oh, and filming everything.

_Aaahh! _

"Open wide Ms. Li," Upchuck crooned while she held the syllable and he 'touched himself' "Ohhhh yeeeaaahhhhh!"

_Slam it to the left, If you're having a good time  
Shake it to the right, If you know that you feel fine, Chicas to the front, Uh Uh go round, Slam it to the left, If you're having a good time, Shake it to the right, If you know that you fell fine, Chicas to the front, Hi Ci Ya Hold tight! _

Around this time, Daria realized that some of the students were starting to groove to the beat.

"I'm in hell, aren't I?" She commented to herself.

_La la la la la la la la la La la la la la la la  
La la la la la la la la la La la la la la la la _

The Fashion Club was singing along to the la la la la la la la la...

_Yellow man in Timbuktu, Colour for both me and you, Kung fu fighting, Dancing queen, Tribal spaceman, and all that's in between, Colours of the world, Spice up your life, Every boy and girl, Spice up your life, Every boy and girl, Spice up your life,  
People of the world, Spice up your life _

"Oh Jodie," Mack said to himself with bemusement, "If you wanted to spice things up, you just had to ask..."

_Aaahh! _

A little while later Kevin would wonder why he had screamed like a girl while reaching orgasm when he and Brittany had skipped the 'emergency school meeting' in the auditorium in favor of sex in a janitor's closet.

Brittany's only thought was a complaint about her boyfriend's premature ejaculating. Again.

_Slam it to the left, If you're having a good time, Shake it to the right ,If you know that you feel fine  
Chicas to the front, Uh Uh go round, Slam it to the left, If you're having a good time, Shake it to the right, If you know that you fell fine  
Chicas to the front, Hi Ci Ya Hold tight! Flamenco, Lambada  
But hip hop is harder, We moonwalk the foxtrot, Then polka the salsa _

Daria tried to snark about this song, she really did. But she was still taking this in like H.P. Lovecraft's worst nightmare.

Plus Jane wasn't backing her up, she was filming this abomination for posterity.

_Shake it shake it shake it, haka! Shake it shake it shake it, haka!_

By the way, NO ONE wanted Mr. O'Neill to shake it.

But he did.

And lo! There was a puking.

_Arriba! _

Robert wasn't sure if he should be offended or not, but then Ted sneaked in a kiss the dark and the thought went away.

_Colours of the world, Spice up your life, Every boy and girl, Spice up your life, Every boy and girl, Spice up your life, People of the world,  
Spice up your life, Aaahh! Slam it to the left, If you're having a good time, Shake it to the right, If you know that you feel fine,  
Chicas to the front, Uh Uh go round, Slam it to the left, If you're having a good time, Shake it to the right, If you know that you fell fine,  
Chicas to the front, Hi Ci Ya Hold tight! Slam it to the left,  
If you're having a good time, Shake it to the right, If you know that you feel fine, Chicas to the front, Uh Uh go round Slam it to the left  
If you're having a good time, Shake it to the right, If you know that you fell fine, Chicas to the front, Hi Ci Ya Hold tight! _

And much to Daria's amazement at the last "Hold tight!" the entire student body of Lawndale High busted into applause.

"My god!" Daria mouthed, "These people have no taste!"

"Yeah, I know." Jane said at her side, still filming away, "Isn't it great?"

"...Who are you and what have you done with Jane Lane?"

"She's busy memorizing all of this for the biggest snarkfest in human history, once you've been rebooted and snap out of the shock."

"...Point taken."

**Fade to the black and the La la la la la la la la la La la la la la la la La la la la la la la la la La la la la la la la  
Oh, and the GIRL POWER! Equalization of the sexes! Rock on girls, rock on!**

* * *

_Notes: 'Spice Up Your Life' is by the Spice Girls, all rights reserved and stuff. No money was made and junk._


End file.
